SummerSlam Predictions

July is coming to an end, NFL training camps beginning, and kids are being tortured with back-to-school ads. That means it’s time for WWE’s biggest party of the summer, their second biggest show of the year, Summerslam.

The annual premium live event takes place this year from somewhere everyone circled as a summer vacation destination. Detroit, Michigan. The home of the Detroit Lions will be packed with fans who will finally get to see what a championship looks like. Sorry, I had to take the low-hanging fruit.

All joking aside, WWE is once again running at a bigtime stadium for SummerSlam, and it looks to be a success. The latest update from the always reliable Wrestletix Twitter account has tickets sold at 45,643 with WWE having it set up to seat 47,701. To entertain this massive crowd, the Connecticut-based company has assembled a very strong seven-match card consisting of rubber matches, title matches, and grudge matches. Adam and I are once again back to make our bold predictions for this Saturday’s show. 

Our most recent predictions article was for WWE’s Money in the Bank PLE last month. Neither of us fared too well. I went an abysmal 2-5 while Adam went a modest 4-3. This means my lead has been cut enough and the score now stands at Mike 23 and Adam 21. I still hold a slim lead and will be batting lead for Summerslam. 

Undisputed WWE Universal Championship:

Roman Reigns(c) vs Jey Uso Tribal Combat

MIKE: What is Tribal Combat? I have no clue. It sounds corny, but WWE hasn’t had too many misses during this multi-year Bloodline story so I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. One thing that there is no doubt about, however, is who will win. No way anyone is beating my Tribal Chief in Tribal Combat. OOOOOH AAAAAAH!!! Reigns Over.

Roman Reigns

ADAM: I’m imagining a lot of stomping and hula skirts. Some people picked Drew, then Sammy, then Cody. I was not one of those people and I will keep picking Roman until he loses the title and maybe even a while after that

Roman Reigns

Mike: As expected, after abandoning our Tribal Chief in your last predictions, you’ve come back to the family. Don’t worry, we welcome your return with open arms. We all make mistakes. Like when I was a kid and attempted to bungee jump off my bunk bed. 

ADAM: You do remember that I was right last time don’t you?

World Heavyweight Championship:

Seth “Freakin” Rollins(c) vs Finn Balor

ADAM: The rematch! Got the Damien Priest element hanging in the wings and I simply have to know what happens if he stands up from a chair to scratch his ass? Will Finn go pale and then faint? Will the Demon split off from his body and then haunt Lakeith Stanfield? No one knows but I think we’re going toward the Judgment Day restructure/blow up

SETH ROLLINS

MIKE: Judgment Day is probably getting the most screen time of any act right now in WWE. Priest is the MITB holder, Doms won championship gold, he’s working all three TV shows, and Rhea Ripley continues to be perfect in everything she does. Then there’s Finn Balor. I’d love for them to stretch out the Judgement Day breakup and put the world title on Finn but I don’t see it happening. Rollins wins, and Balor stops Priest from cashing in after the match. Also, I’m still putting my money on Dom Dom eventually dethroning Seth. 

SETH ROLLINS

Cody Rhodes vs Brock Lesnar:

MIKE: Time for the rubber match brother brother. Lesnar Rhodes three. Cody’s killing merch sales and has documentaries being released about him. Now he will continue his journey back to Roman Reigns and get a big boost with a definitive win over the beast incarnate. Adrenaline in my soul! Brock getting beat by Cody Rhodes!

Cody Rhodes 

ADAM: Had to delete Kingdom off my workout playlist because it secretly sucks without the villain from The Boys walking to the ring. Every time we think Cody is going to win he seems to lose so I’m starting to think about maybe possibly picking Lesnar but I think the problem is that Vince is distracted with a 1973 copy of Playboy so….

CODY RHODES

MIKE: *Vince turns magazine sideways and unfolds a picture* “Just look at’em! Such good shit!” *To Dana White or some other asshole probably*. 

WWE Women’s Championship:

Asuka(c) vs Charlotte Flair vs Bianca Belair

Adam: I’m kind of disappointed that we aren’t just getting every possible 2 (wo)man match out of this Triple Threat. That being said, you do not have to get pinned to lose your belt and the HHH of the women’s division is BACK BABY

CHARLOTTE FLAIR

Mike: This is a tough one to call. As a Charlotte Flair stan, I’d be happy if Adams’ prediction is correct, but I’m gonna have to go in a different direction. I’m not taking any of these three phenomenal wrestlers. I’m calling my shot and saying we get an Iyo Sky cash-in. 

IYO SKY

Intercontinental Championship:

Gunther(c) vs Drew McIntyre

MIKE: Gunther continues to close in on The Honky Tonk man’s record of 454 days as IC champ. Possible hot take incoming. I don’t think he will get there. Sure, Gunther is a great wrestler and can chop men into ground meat, but he’s a shit Elvis impersonator. McIntye is going to put a stop to Gunther’s dominance and ten years from now we’ll still be chuckling about the fact Honky Tonk Man holds the record.

Drew McIntyre

ADAM: Dumb take. Dumb man. Great match incoming tho. McIntyre has never really done it for me but Gunther really has. He’s the Jokic of the WWE and I mean that because they’re both cerebral MVP type guys not because they’re both goofy mother fuckers.

GUNTHER

Ricochet vs Logan Paul:

ADAM: They should do a gimmick where Logan Paul live streams coming down to the ring from his phone. That’s an original idea. I feel for Ricochet because my boy came from being a dude who was in every match with every guy at the top of the card in NJPW, AEW and NXT to being a guy who comes in to wrestle the gimmick act. He’s basically the Chris Herro of WWE. They’re gonna do my boy dirty here and I’ll be waiting in California with open arms when he wins BOLA and is crowned best wrestler ever until someone else wins BOLA next year.

LOGAN PAUL

MIKE: WWE’s been very smart with their booking of Logan Paul. They’ve pushed him by putting him in a lot of big-time matches but haven’t overdone it by having him win. He’s performed well and is such a natural heel that he hasn’t lost much despite losing his last few matches in the company. With that said, this is one of those matches where they have to give him a win to maintain some credibility. So as long as his heart doesn’t explode from drinking too much prime energy, he goes over here.

LOGAN PAUL

Shayna Baszler vs Ronda Rousey:

MIKE: All the talk of Rousey being on the way out has kinda killed any speculation to the outcome of the match. Even so, this should be a good boost for the queen of spades and possibly set her up as a future challenger to Rhea Ripley. This is also where I make my plea to Triple H to bring back Bazlers banger NXT entrance theme.

SHAYNA BASZLER

ADAM: Missed some WWE and this match caught me off guard. I swear to god it was all worth it if they bring back Baszler’s NXT entrance song.

SHAYNA BASZLER

SummerSlam Battle Royal Presented by Slim Jim:

ADAM: Wait. This Battle Royal is for….. nothing? Do the losers at least have to eat Slim Jims? We only know two guys in the match so far and I ain’t about to pick Sheamus

LA KNIGHT

MIKE: This is truly disgusting by WWE. Clear gimmick infringement and monopolization of the Slim Jim/wrestling crossover market. Warhorse has spent the past year trying to get sponsored by Slim Jim, and if he isn’t in this battle royal, I will continue to not eat Slim Jim’s because they are so greasy I feel like I need a bath after eating one.

WWE put LA Knight in this for one of two reasons. Either they wanted get him on the card since he’s such a hot act right now, or they want too try and make him less cool by putting him a dorky sponsored match. If they try the latter they are in for a rude awakening. It’ll take more than product placement to cool off LA Knight. YEAH!

L-A-Knight!