The 2023-24 NHL Season Preview Presented by The Letterkenny Universe
Here’s the Scoop and I’m Gonna Tell Ya.
The 2023-24 NHL Season kicks off on Thursday 10/10 and we’re skipping over all 2642 regular season games to predict the teams Bound for Stanley Cup glory. We took the top 16 teams by Stanley Cup Odds via Fanduel and did what we do best, ripped off much funnier people than us.
In keeping with our series of Sports told as Quotes, this is the NHL Season Brought to You by Quotes from the Letterkenny Universe.
There are 1,123 players in the NHL,
These are their problems.
Colorado Avalanche +850
The Colorado Avalanche start the season on Wednesday, October 11th against the LA Kings and they hope to end it in June after hoisting the second Cup in three years. Landeskog is (probably) out for the season but they still have Makar, MacKinnon, Mikko Rantanen and so many other high-quality players that instead of listing them I’ll just link to their cap sheet. If they aren’t competing for the Cup come the end of the season, someone fucked up.
Carolina Hurricanes +900
Maybe one shot is a slight hyperbole, but no doubt this is the Hurricane’s best shot yet at winning another cup. They got over the hump by making it to the Eastern finals last season after a couple of flat playoff performances and early exits in previous years. The team is returning with the same forward group that led the league in expected goal percentage and was top five in expected goals. On the back end last season, they had the lowest expected goals against, allowed the second-fewest goals, and allowed the fewest shots on goal, despite blocking the fewest shots in the league.
They doubled down on having an elite defense this offseason by signing D Dymitr Orlov who is coming off a great stint with the Bruins after being sent there at the trade deadline. They also brought in D Tony DeAngelo on a cheap one-year deal, who after having a rough season in Philadelphia, is returning to the team he had a very strong year with the season prior.
The competition in the east has weakened. Boston’s record-setting team was dismantled by cap restraints and retirements. The Panthers playoff run was an anomaly. Toronto’s up-and-down offseason left them unimproved, or possibly worse. The Lightning aren’t what they once were, and the Rangers are one Shesterkin injury away from not even making the playoffs.
Carolina is the most complete team in their conference. Power can quickly shift from year to year in the NHL and the Hurricanes have to capitalize on this season.
New Jersey Devils +1000
I promise I’ll try not to get too horny over all the fun offensive teams on this list but BY GAWD LOOK AT THEM. C Jack Hughes, LW Timo Meier, D Dougie Hamilton, C Nico Hischier, LW Ondrej Palat, and newly added RW Tyler Toffoli.
New Jersey is one of the, if not the most, interesting, young teams in the NHL. This team is going to be in some must-watch, high-event games. They’re going to have a top-5 scoring powerplay, a top-5 top line, Dougie Hamilton as one of the best puck-moving defensemen, and a Jack Hughes who, at 22, probably hasn’t begun to enter his best years in the NHL.
The Metro won’t be an easy path, having to go through Carolina and Shesterkin, and I would exercise some extreme caution before making a bet on the Devils Cup win but they’ll be there battling it out in the playoffs.
Toronto Maple Leafs +1100
I know that Toronto is in Ontario and not Quebec. This quote does not relate to the location of the Maple Leafs, but more to what the team will be up to partway through the playoffs. After the Leafs got bounced in the second round Kyle Dubas and the team parted ways followed by Brad Treliving joining the club as GM.
Treliving dished out some one-year deals during free agency. Giving D John Klingberg a prove-it deal, signing LW Max Domi to fill the Ryan O’Reilly hole down the middle, and bringing in LW Tyler Bertuzzi to make up for the depth scoring lost by Michael Bunting. For the sake of brevity, I’ll refer you to listen to our episodes of the Talent Alone Podcast we recorded during NHL free agency if you would like to hear my admittedly negative thoughts on the Leafs off-season.
I’m of the mindset that while Toronto will most likely make the playoffs, and could win their division, they’ll once again get bounced in the first couple of rounds. Leaving all the boys free to start those summer vacations and fishing trips to Quebec.
Edmonton Oilers +1100
Alright, listen, I know I just said I wouldn’t get horny through all these offenses but YEW. If you’re either very new to the world of hockey or recently woke up from a traumatic 15-year coma and decided you needed to check on the NHL before calling your grieving wife, allow me to introduce you to C Connor McDavid and C Leon Draisaitl. Last season… you know what let’s get a few more highlights. Okay sorry just YEW.
Last season, the Oilers seemed to break through, especially post-Mattias Ekholm trade. They seem to have goaltending figured out with Stuard Skinner, although he did wilt in the playoffs. They have scorers (outside of the aforementioned McDavid and Draisaitl) in C Ryan Nugent-Hopkins and LW Evander Kane. In addition, they brought in C Nick Bjugstad and RW Connor Brown at a reasonable price. Mix that with a haves and have-nots Pacific division and the Oilers could be passing 100 points with ease. Gotta tune in almost every night for the chance of a power play because YEW.
Vegas Golden Knights +1300
For the sake of character count, I couldn’t really include the full quote I wanted, but the point is clear. The Vegas Knights are looking for back-to-back ships and I’m not sure why their odds aren’t higher. The Knights didn’t have much cap space this off-season but managed to bring back some important pieces to keep their Stanley Cup-winning roster together. Most notably they were able to re-sign F Ivan Barbashev, LW Brett Howden, and playoff breakout goalie Aiden Hill.
Vegas was consistently good last season but wasn’t a team that was lighting the league on fire. Once they entered the playoffs their play went to the next level. This team excelled in every facet of the game during the playoffs, while Eichel came to life and showed why they gave up a sizable package to trade for him. Unlike the Panthers playoff run, that wasn’t an outlier, that is what this team really is, and that level of play will extend into this season. I have them penciled in to face a resurgent Colorado Avs team in the west finals, and if they get by them they have a great shot at going back-to-back. Hell, if they can keep this core together, we could be looking at a team with the best chance to three-peat since the Lightning dominated the East. I’m talking back-to-back-to-back ships.
Dallas Stars + 1300
I’ll level with you, I like the Star’s top line as much as the next guy. LW Jason Robertson, LW Roope Hintz, and Ole’ C Joe Pavelski are an elite combination that can go toe to toe with just about any top line in the league, but what else did they do to get into the conversation? You can point out G Jake Oettinger and D Miro Heiskanen as top-end talents that a Cup hopeful needs, hell I even have time for some LW Mason Marchment or LW Jamie Benn talk, but we saw this team last year and they came up short.
Their big changes this year were LW Max Domi and C Luke Glendening out and C Matt Duchene in for Dallas. It’s a Zero Sum game, you either win the Cup or you don’t every year, and while the Stars will be in the playoffs, my money is on the Not because if even the Senators and Predators are making big moves and Dallas isn’t, then you really can’t compete.
Boston Bruins +1700
After the Bruins were the inaugural victim to the rolling ball of chainsaw that was the Florida Panthers in the first round of the 2023 playoffs, it was obvious a tough off-season was on the horizon. As can be common with teams that go all in during a cup window, eventually the time comes when the team has no money to spend and a lot of players that need to get paid.
The list of notable pieces from last season’s team that found new homes this season include; D Dmitry Orlov, D Connor Clifton, RW Garnett Hathaway, and LW Tyler Bertuzzi. Furthermore, due to their cap situation, they traded away LW Taylor Hall along with impending UFA LW Nick Foligno. Not done yet though, as longtime captain C Patrice Bergeron and 16-year Bruin David Krejci retired. Joining the team, all on cheap one-year deals, are C Morgan Geekie, LW James Van Riemsdyk, along with former Bruins cheap shot artist and fan favorite LW Milan Lucic. All of whom are expected to fill out spots in their bottom six mainly.
This explains why the team that set the record for most points recorded in a single season last year has the long Stanley Cup odds they do. The squad is spare parts. Don’t get me wrong, they still have Pastrňák, and two top-tier defensive pairings. A playoff spot is and really should be achievable, but they don’t have the depth to be the contender they were just a year ago.
Tampa Bay Lightning +1700
We’re approaching the end game of the Tampa Bay Lightning’s run at the top tier of the East. Tampa won two cups in a row and was in the Final with a chance to win a third in a row, but now age has caught up. Notorious ironman G Andrei Vasilevskiy is on the IR with a back injury, RW Nikita Kucherov is now 30, C Steven Stamkos is 33, and D Victor Hedman is 32.
They’ve placed their future hopes in big deals for C Brayden Point, D Mikhail Sergachev, D Erik Cernak, C Anthony Cirelli, and LW Brandon Hagel, who all combine for $35.95 Million for at least the next 7 years. Is this folly or is it a smart future investment? Early returns are mixed but only time can tell if the aging vets will gracefully pass off the reigns to the young core or if a couple of poor contracts could sink the Lightning in the (not-so-distant) future.
New York Rangers +1700
After making it all the way to the Eastern Conference finals in 2022, New York Rangers fans had high expectations going into last season. Those fans finished the season feeling their team’s season was fucking embarrassing. The team won five fewer games and finished third in the Metropolitan Division. Then they blew a 2-0 series lead to the Devils in the first round of the playoffs and ended up getting bounced in seven games.
The real stinger at the end was getting shut out and losing game seven 4-0. The team will hit the ice this year with basically the same roster from the past two years. If the Rangers hope to find any chance of getting their hands on the cup this year they will need another strong season from their most valuable player, and the only reason they finished with a positive expected goal differential last season. They will once again need Vezina-winning goaltender, Igor Shesterkin, to stand on his head and be their piece de resistance.
Florida Panthers +2000
Close your eyes, and now imagine the perfect hockey player. He’s probably a 6’1″ or 6’2″ forward who puts pucks in the net, back-checks, chirps, draws penalties, and contributes on special teams. Were you envisioning Connor McDavid or Auston Matthews? Wrong that was American-born RW Matthew Tkachuk. Last season’s Cinderella run for the Panthers was probably more outlier than the team-building philosophy, but after narrowly making it into the playoffs on the last day of the regular season, the Panthers proceeded to eliminate the Bruins, Maple Leafs, and Hurricanes (in a sweep).
After that, the Panthers reacted by spending a not insignificant amount of money on nobodies in free agency. I’d love to blow up the Panthers and say this is my longshot pick but there are just too many question marks around the team. D Arron Ekblad and D Brandon Montour are starting the season on the IR, C Sam Bennett is out for an unknown amount of time and they still have a Sergei Bobrovsky-sized issue to deal with. But as long as they have Tkachuk walking in that door, there’s no saying they can’t compete.
Los Angeles Kings +2000
After a trade deadline deal with Columbus for Vladislav Gavrikov proved to be a success, GM Rob Blake headed back to the trade block to make another splash this off-season. Blake decided to deal for another potential elite center to put behind the age-defying Anze Kopitar by acquiring 25-year-old C Pierre Luc-Dubois from the Winnipeg Jets. The package for Dubois included 24-year-old RW Gabriel Vilardi, who was set to hit the free agent market come July 1st, and 27-year-old LW Alex Iafollo.
The Kings hope that after unhappy stints in Columbus and Winnipeg, the move to LA is what Dubois needs to reach his full potential. They obviously feel very confident in this after locking him with an 8-year contract extension with an AAV of 8.5 million. These at the transactions of a team who drinks eight beers, has no inhibition, and declares they’re in it to win it.
Pittsburgh Penguins +2200
Pittsburgh probably doesn’t need to worry about the next few years. As the core of C Sidney Crosby, D Kris Letang, and C Evgeni Malkin ages out, the next few years are about feeling competitive and keeping the Franchise, Sid, happy with the franchise (don’t want a Patty Kane exit with that guy). Then, here comes a young, 37-year-old whippersnapper by the name of Kyle Dubas (who is younger than two players on the Penguins) and he has a great idea, what if we trade for the most expensive defenseman in the league Erik Karlsson. Now I don’t hate the move in theory.
The Penguins scored a below-average amount of goals (262) while allowing only slightly more goals (264) without much top-end defense. So, adding an all-offense player coming off of a 100-point season and a Norris win makes sense, but some part of me feels like this was a Kyle Dubas “Hey mom look at me!” move.
Minnesota Wild +3000
I hate to turn on the pessimism for a team not named the Bruins or Maple Leafs, but I’m not a fan of this Minnesota Wild roster. GM Bill Guerin couldn’t do much this offseason as they are still in cap hell due to past decisions. Most notably, the 14.6 million in dead cap they have from the Zach Parise and Ryan Suter contracts they signed back in 2012. A dead cap they will have once again next year because then GM, Chuck Fletcher, thought 13-year contracts were a smart thing to do. This team has two stud left-wingers that make them worth watching this year, Krill Kaprizov and Matt Boldy. In his first full NHL season Boldy, 22, broke out with 63 total points and broke the 30-goal mark.
Meanwhile, Kaprizov, unfortunately, missed 15 games early in the year due to injury, but eventually got rolling, lighting the lamp 40 times and finishing the year with 75 points in 67 games. The Wild’s top two lines will each feature one of the two young stars, but after that, their middle six isn’t great and their defense is below average. As far as goaltending goes. I have my doubts. Goalies are weird and their play can wildly fluctuate from year to year. So I’m not exactly sold on Filip Gustavsson repeating his performance from last season. As cool as first-round playoff exits are, it’s not what I’ll be watching the Wild for this season. I’ll be watching to see Kaprizov and Boldy stuff the stat sheet, roll the highlight reel, and put on a show.
Calgary Flames +3000
The Flames 2022-23 Season was, to put it lightly, disappointing. A year after having one of the best lines in the league with RW Matthew Tkachuk, LW Johnny Gaudreau, and C Elias Lindholm, they end up with an under-performing team headlined by G Jacob Markström and the recently traded for and extended LW Jonathan Huberdeau not playing anywhere near expectation. Add free agent signing C Nazem Kadri to the disappointment pile and you have a team that went from preseason predictions of deep playoff runs to a team that missed the playoffs entirely.
Now I think it’s worth thinking about how they probably hit near their worst possible outcome. Markström went from a .922 save percentage and 9 shutouts in 2021-22 to .892 and 1 shutout. Kadri went from 58 even strength points in 71 games in 2021-22 to 37 in 82 in 2022-23. And of course, the man who got paid $84 million over 8 years, Jonathan Huberdeau went from 72 even strength points (and 115 total points) in 2021-22 to 40 even strength points (and 55 overall) after getting moved to the Flames. If I’m a Flames fan I’m hoping for two things in Calgary, global warming and that Huberdeau isn’t happy just being rich.
Buffalo Sabres +3000
The Buffalo Sabres are a team on the rise. Coming out of the dark tunnel of the past decade, GM Kevyn Adams has this team eyeing its first playoff berth since the 2010-11 season. Fueled by young talent Adams has been committed to not rushing things and making moves that could jeopardize the future success of the team. Along with this, he has been very smart to not waste his cap space.
However, this means the team was left with a good amount of cap still at their disposal. Adams chose to use some of that cap by extending last year’s Captain and pending UFA RW Kyle Okposo, along with 9-year Sabre veteran C Zegmus Girgensons. I mean no disrespect to either man, but the numbers don’t lie. Okposo and Girgensons sat towards the bottom of the team with an on-ice expected goal differential of -9.3 and -12 respectively. They don’t have much value to the team on the ice.
The short one-year extensions were done because both men will play hard, no matter how small the role, and are a good veteran presence to have in the room that can help mentor this young roster.
