WWE Wrestlepalooza – Predictions
Am I chewing Double Mint because there is a lot of wrestling going on this weekend? That’s right, folks, it’s the team at Talent Alone dot Com here to predict all the matches for all the PPVs for all the Wrestling Companies (editor note: We shouldn’t say all the wrestling companies when we only cover two wrestling companies.). This week is double duty as we are covering AEW All Out and the perfectly named, not at all AI-generated, Wrestlepaloza.
Going into the weekend, Mike has a 40-13 record after a 5-1 performance at Clash in Paris, and Adam sitting at second place with a record of 30-23. Good news, second place gets a medal at the Olympics, bad news, last place doesn’t.
This is ESPN’s first PPV as part of the mega deal signed this year, and I think that out of respect for ESPN and WWE, we should both yell hot takes and be really bummed out about the Charlie Kirk assassination.
Since the FCC will be taking away our internet license any second now, let’s hurry up and make these picks, eh?
Wrestlepalooza Predictions, Picks and Analysis
John Cena vs Brock Lesnar
ADAM: That’s not boos you’re hearing, folks, that’s me sitting in my living room yelling about how Brock Lesnar got kicked out of the industry for sexually trafficking and sexually assaulting Janel Grant. What you want jokes instead of that? Go check ESPN, I’m sure they didn’t say shit about it.
JOHN CENA
MIKE: Hey! WWE said that their legal team looked over everything and decided it was okay for Brock to return. I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact that WWE’s business is up and their audiences seem to love everything they do without questioning the moral implications. They continue to book light cards only consisting of only a handful of matches that rip off paying customers in attendance when you consider their ever increasing ticker prices, and Triple H is buddy buddy with trump as the spokesperson for some stupid committee that’s going to make out of shape kids do some pointless exercises once a year while doing nothing to actually help them improve their health. On top of that, they continue to simp Saudi Arabia in exchange for big paydays, recently announcing that they’re biggest flagship event of the year, WrestleMania, will take place in Riyadh in 2027. Cool. What’s next? Honor the now pardoned January 6th rioters? Sure, that sounds wild, but at this point, nothing will surprise me when it comes to what this company will do and get away with somehow. Anyways, Lesnar isn’t the massive draw he once was, honestly hasn’t been for years, and shouldn’t be back on TV. The only good part about his return is that it gave me a chance to go on this rant and let off some steam. This match will probably be 5-7 minutes, feature 16 F5s, 17 Attitude Adjustments, a broken announce table, and Cena winning.
JOHN CENA
Undisputed WWE Championship:
Cody Rhodes(c) vs Drew McIntyre
MIKE: McIntyre has basically become the guy who is good in the ring, can cut a top-tier promo, and can easily get his heat back, no matter how often he loses. Which is why he’s challenging Cody. He’s a main event-level talent that they can feed to The American Nightmare without hindering anybody in the process. Whether it’s after this match or on the following SmackDown, at some point, Orton is going to RKO Cody through the mat. There is too much of a backstory between the two for the company not to go down that road, and I’m honestly shocked they’ve held out this long.
CODY RHODES…WOOOOAAAH
ADAM: I would love if Drew won this. Cody is great, but like any main story baby face, once the chase is over, the story loses its steam. Put Drew on top, put Cody on the chase, and it all works out great, right? If only…
CODY RHODES
CM Punk & AJ Lee vs Seth Rollins & Becky Lynch
ADAM: I simply think the loser of this match should have to be friends with me and go to the movies together. I don’t think it’s that complicated. WWE obviously wants to carry this Punk/Rollins feud the distance, and they can’t blow their wad with a singles match right now, especially a non-title match, which would tip their hand. I think going with the mixed tag angle is a great way to extend the run, and the AJ Lee return to the ring gets the people going.
CM PUNK & AJ LEE
MIKE: Glad we finally got the AJ Lee return that everybody’s been waiting for since the second CM Punk returned to wrestling. This is also a good way to shake up the next match in Punk v. Rollins’ feud that basically started when Punk came back to WWE in 2023. We also got Becky Lynch joining the Vision, which is something people have been waiting for since the moment Rollins paired up with Paul Heyman to start this faction. I’m currently penciling Rollins vs Punk for the World Title into WrestleMania 42. In order to get there and not feel extremely stale, they’ll need to go their separate ways for a while after this match. In the meantime, give AJ and her Husband the win here.
CM PUNK & AJ LEE
Women’s World Championship:
Iyo Sky vs Stephanie Vaquer
MIKE: What kind of champ was Naomi? No passion for the biz, letting a fetus take the belt away from her. Maybe it will set up a grudge match at next year’s Wrestlemania between Naomi and her infant child. If Kenny Omega can have a match with a blow up doll, then Naomi should be able to wrestle a baby. Iyo Sky is great, and as I’ve mentioned in the past, she has one of the best moonsaults of all time. However, Vaquer is the hot up and coming star. The company would be wise to use this unexpected opportunity to speed up her rise to the top and give her the belt.
STEPHANIA VAQUER
ADAM: Is it a hot take to say Iyo Sky is the best worker in the division? Either way, she has killed it consistently and I would love to see that keep going with the “Important but not more important than throwing all your money away to have a kid,” Belt. Vaquer has had a lot of rehabilitation to make her worth a shot at the belt, but my vote is the steady hand.
IYO SKY
The Usos (Jimmy Uso & Jey Uso) vs The Vision (Bronson Reed & Bron Breakker)
ADAM: The prevailing story here is YEET slowly falling apart as he experiences what most of us wake up and deal with every day, crushing and constant failure. Get good snowflake, we’re all dealing with it just fine without getting mad at LA Knight or yelling YEET at nerds.
THE VISION
MIKE: Are we headed for a Jey Uso heel turn, or is this just a way to give him more of a ruthless edge? The former would be great because I would no longer have to see programmed sheeple at WWE events YEET. Whatever the endgame is, this is just another chapter in getting there.
THE VISION
Five matches and only one disagreement for the boys in blue (editor’s note: No one knows who that is). On the weekend, 5 total disagreements with a 10-match delta between the boys in blue. Which boy in blue will walk away the most victorious? Probably Adam.
