WWE Crown Jewel Perth – Predictions
Keep your babies away from the dingoes, and be sure you know what a knife is, because it’s time for us to go to Perth. That’s right, folks, the good people at Talent Alone are back to continue our year-long wrestling prediction contest where Mike and I go head-to-head to see who is better at killing the biz and ruining kayfabe for everyone. Coming out of the double PPV weekend of Wrestlepaloza and All Out, Mike has held onto his lead while still coming up short of expectations by going 49-19 so far on the year. I am doing my best to make the math easy for us on how many matches we’ve predicted by pushing for .500, as I am currently sitting at 38-30.
All that is in the past, and we are onto predicting a classic WWE Pay-Per-View in a new location. There are five matches on the card, and if I get them all right, and Mike gets them all wrong, and I fake the numbers because I run the contest, I can finally catch him. With that, let’s get to the food stuff.
WWE Crown Jewel Championship:
Cody Rhodes vs Seth Rollins
ADAM: I think in a different era, this would be a legitimately exciting match. Even with kayfabe deader than Network TV, it would have been a huge signal over who the company values going forward. Unfortunately, we aren’t in the OG HHH era and this Pay-Per-View doesn’t even matter. I think they’re teasing a lot with the Vision and Heyman and Seth and Brock, but I think this one will basically be Seth winning the big ugly belt with a lot of interference.
SETH ROLLINS
MIKE: Good news Australian WWE fans who probably paid ridiculous prices for tickets, not only are you getting a short five-match card, the main event is for a meaningless fake title. I don’t think this story is really going anywhere after this match. It’s similar to the period of time when WWE would have the two world champs face each other at Survivor Series. Sure, it’s two top guys wrestling, but what’s there to get invested in? I agree that there is going to be a wild amount of interference in this match between members of The Vision and everybody else on the roster they’ve got beef with, making run-ins. Where I disagree with Adam is who wins. Rollins is the kind of character that can eat all the non-title match pins, but escape with the belt in his title matches, and still retain his credibility. Close the show with your top baby face posing with two belts and an insane amount of pyro going off that will make Australians think that New Zealand has finally started invading.
CODY RHODES
WWE Women’s Crown Jewel Championship:
Stephanie Vaquer vs Tiffany Stratton
MIKE: Just like the Men’s, the Women’s Crown Jewel Championship is also meaningless; however, it’s only two-thirds as meaningless. I liked the decision to use Naomi’s sudden departure as a way to fast-track Vaquer to the title. She’s hot right now, and I see little reason not to keep that momentum going. Living in the US, I’m not sure what time it will actually be in Australia when this event takes place, but I do know that it won’t be Tiffy Time.
STEPHANIE VAQUER
ADAM: Tiffy Time has been spinning her wheels while at the same time, Stephanie Vaquer has had an absolute rocket strapped to her. I don’t think anyone is paying the price of admission for this match, but I think it will be quietly good, and the obvious choice will win.
STEPHANIE VAQUER
John Cena vs AJ Styles
ADAM: They don’t want none, no they don’t want none. They lookin’ scared, no, they don’t want none. I heard they want some, no, they don’t want none. I got a cheesecake, no, they don’t want none.
JOHN CENA
MIKE: John Cena’s heel run feels like a fever dream at this point. Shifting to him wrestling past rivals to close out his career works, even if there are a handful of guys that, unfortunately, are no longer around to take part in that. I don’t mean they’re dead, just retired or no longer with the company. For example, we should really get one more Cena vs Carlito match. Talk about a heated rivalry, Cena got stabbed in a nightclub (Google it). It was the most prolific wrestling stabbing that didn’t involve Psycho Sid, Arn Anderson, and a pair of scissors (once again, Google it). Cena going over is the right call, and will help build him back up some after the terrible booking that happened at WrestlePalooza. Also, I am once again calling for 48-year-old AJ Styles to stop being a coward and bust out the spiral tap one more time.
John Cena will only have four dates left after this match. There is a former foe of Cena’s who was integral to his career as the face of the company that he will forever be linked to. At one point, it seemed like a travesty that this match wasn’t going to happen; however, that is no longer the case. While the reported specifics of when contracts expire throws the possibility of that wrestler appearing here up in the air, imagine the crowd pop in Perth if this scenario were to take place. Cena is in the ring celebrating his win, his music cuts off, the next thing we hear is, “You think you know me”, and out walks the man who once infamously bitch slapped John Cena’s dad! (one final Google it)
JOHN CENA
Rhea Ripley & Iyo Sky vs The Kabuki Warriors (Asuka & Kairi Sane)
MIKE: Asuka has always worked great as a heel, thanks in part to the in-ring style she works and her great facial expressions that scream sadistic and unhinged. There’s also the intriguing added dynamic of Auska dragging along a conflicted Kairi Sane. I expect it to build to the moment where it seems Sane will finally stand up against Asuka, only for her to officially turn to the dark side. I’m on record as being a huge Asuka mark, and damn proud of it. This latest heel turn is a great opportunity to build her back up to the top of the card, along with Kari Sane. First things first, though, they have to start out strong and win here. Beating not only two recent world champs, but the pride of Australia, Rhea Ripley, on her home turf, would be a great way to get heat.
THE KABUKI WARRIORS
ADAM: I think this is the classic “Oh, the two faces are dominant, but they keep running into little issues here or there, and a mistake eventually costs them the match,” match. The only difference here is that you have to pay to watch this one instead of seeing it on 1 out of every 4 Friday Night Smackdowns.
THE KABUKI WARRIORS
Australian Street Fight:
Roman Reigns vs Bronson Reed
ADAM: This match better end with Roman Reigns hucking 25” spiders and Bronson Reed while Reed squeals and uses his cache of Roman’s shoes to smash them one at a time. So this match already happened in a foreign country PPV that the company didn’t seem to care that much about, and Roman got his win, which leads me to think they would go with Reed to even the score. However, as per the “I don’t think WWE cares that much about this PPV” Rule, I doubt they’re giving away Tribal Chief losses like that. I’d expect a Roman win followed by a Brock Beatdown, while I question if I should stop watching WWE.
ROMAN REIGNS
MIKE: Is WWE contractually obligated by venues to do location-themed matches, or is it just something dumb that I wish would go away, along with kendo sticks casually being an item found under the ring? Here’s another question: Does this match feel beneath Reigns, or does it bring Bronson Reed up? Sorry to all the Bronson boys out there, but I’m taking the former. Reign’s legendary title run and the bloodline story were so epic that it feels like he’s lost some of his mystique being put in spots like this. I understand that this match is a branch on the tree of the top story in the company, but it takes away an aspect of Roman’s character that was established during his four-year run on top. He doesn’t lace up the boots unless it’s for the big matches. Would putting over Reed in this match do massive harm to Roman? No, but why do anything that could take away even a little of what the Tribal Chief persona has become?
ROMAN REIGNS…
…OOH AAH!
Five matc- wait let me recount that. Yep, five matches, two disagreements. I have a lot of ground to make up to win this contest, but it’s a sprint, not a marathon, and Mike will have trouble finishing either after I Nancy Kerrigan his ass. Enjoy your PPV Down Under and be sure to come back here next time for more predictions by Talent Alone.
